You know what really gets me about Paula Honeybottom’s whole situation? The wardrobe. Or lack of one, depending on your choices. I spent way too long fixated on whether this former soap star turned acting teacher should embrace the frumpy cardigan life or squeeze back into those scandalous little dresses from her TV days. The game lets you literally reshape her body through lifestyle choices, which is wild. Make her a depressed couch potato and she gets this soft, heavy, impossibly curvy MILF thing going on, tits practically testing the tensile strength of her old house robes. Push her toward being a “42-year-old teenager” and she’s all tight yoga pants and perky energy, bouncing around the house like she’s trying to outrun the divorce papers. I kept flipping back and forth, obsessed with how her ass looked in different states of decay or rejuvenation. It’s a very specific kind of character customization, and I’m not complaining.

The two young people living with her, a boy and a girl, you get to define their relationship. Are they her kids? Just some strays she picked up? The incest toggle is right there in your face from the jump, no subtlety. The girl, depending on how you’ve corrupted her, might start off with these innocent little glances while Paula’s changing, and then later you’ve got full on lesbian scenes where she’s burying her face in that massive, pillowy chest. The boy’s path is all about the slow tease, catching Paula in the shower through a crack in the door, the voyeurism angle played so straight it almost feels nostalgic. There’s this one scene where Paula, if you’ve let her really slide into self-loathing, just lies in bed, listlessly touching herself while thinking about her ex-husband Dick, what a fucking name, and the animation is so deliberately clunky it loops into being hypnotic. The 3DCG isn’t winning awards. It’s stiff, the lighting is flat, sometimes a hand clips through a thigh and you just have to live with it.

But the multiple endings are where the real costume judging comes in. A confident, fit Paula in a power suit, finally over that asshole, versus a completely broken, hypersexualized version of her in cheap lingerie, getting railed by the boy she was supposed to be mentoring. The corruption arc is less a slippery slope and more a greased-up water slide. There’s a secret ending, I won’t spoil it, but it involves the GILF neighbor who’s been giving Paula side-eye the whole game, and let me tell you, the saggy tit physics in that scene are a choice. A bold one. I respect it. The romance options feel genuine in a trashy paperback way, but the cheating and teasing mechanics are where the writing actually gets sharp, little moments of dialogue that cut deeper than the cheesy soap opera premise deserves.