I saw this Midna flash game years ago on some shady site, back when you had to click through three popups just to get the thing to load. The whole thing looks like someone scribbled it in a notebook during math class but honestly that's part of why it works. The roughness makes it feel dirtier somehow, like finding someone's private sketchbook.

The controls are these little icons in the corner, you click them and she does stuff. Sucking, jerking, taking it in the ass, the usual. The animation loops are jerky but there's this one where she's going down on Link and her little fangs peek out and I don't know why that detail stuck with me. Maybe because I used to do this vampire tease number at the club, fake blood capsule between my teeth, biting my lip until it popped. The crowd always lost it. Anyway Midna's tits are small which I appreciate because big boobs in these games always float around like water balloons in zero gravity. These ones actually move kind of right when she's bouncing on top.

The cumshot mechanic is weirdly satisfying, you just keep clicking and it keeps going. Would be better if you could control where it lands instead of the preset splatter pattern. I spent like ten minutes trying to aim it at her hair because I'm like that. The sound is just wet noises, no music, which makes the whole thing feel more intimate and creepy at the same time. Like being in a room where something's happening that you shouldn't see.

The masturbation scene is the weakest one, her hand moves in this mechanical way that reminds me of those claw machines at arcades. But the anal one surprised me, the way her back arches is actually pretty good reference for drawing if you're into that. I may or may not have taken screenshots for a routine I never ended up doing. The whole thing is maybe ten minutes of content but it's the kind of thing you keep coming back to because it's unpolished in a way that feels more real than those slick 3D games where everyone looks like a plastic doll dipped in oil.

Link has had a lot of fan porn over the years, but this one is very specifically about that weird, horny question most Twilight Princess players had and never said out loud: what if Midna stopped being a snarky little gremlin and just became a total cock-obsessed slut for him. The game leans into that fantasy without shame. There’s no dungeon puzzle, no wolf stealth, no nothing. It throws you straight into a scene where Midna is basically presenting herself like “ok hero, I’m your quest reward now, use me however you want.” She still has that smug vibe, just twisted into something sexual. The way she looks at Link’s dick feels like she’s judging and worshipping it at same time, like “this is pathetic” and then she chokes on it until her mascara would run, if she had any. It fits her character in this strange way: she always played with him, now she plays with his cock.

The actual interaction is simple but kind of honest about what people really come here for. You bounce between her jerking him off with those small tits barely doing anything except jiggling cutely, her swallowing him down her throat like she’s trying to prove a point, and then the real meat of it: pussy and anal. There’s this nice little rhythm where you switch from her grinding on him, wet and needy, to her getting it in the ass and suddenly the smug queen of shadows is clenching and gasping like she’s not actually in control at all. When you push for deepthroat, her whole body angle shifts like she’s trying to get every last centimeter in and there’s this specific moment where she pauses, eyes a bit crossed, and then takes that final push. It’s goofy and hot at same time. The climax stuff has that classic old-school flash-game cruelty: “where do you want to ruin her, hero?” You can paint her face, fill her pussy, fill her ass, cover her body, basically treat her like a living cum target. The creampie shots hit that fanfiction fantasy of Link finally not being the clueless virgin, just blasting loads into a princess who is begging for more like she doesn’t care about Hyrule at all. It’s trashy, it’s blunt, it doesn’t pretend to be romantic. Honestly I wish there was at least one tiny nod to an actual story choice or some weird Midna magic twist, but in the same time, that dumb directness is part of the charm. You open it, you make Midna choke, you fuck her holes, you cover her in sperm, you close the tab, you wonder briefly what the original devs at Nintendo would think, then you go back to your life like nothing happened. Classic browser porn ritual.

The Creambee logo. Yeah, that thing at the top. Miss it and you're just staring at a static screen wondering why the internet is broken. Classic. This isn't a game, it's a weird little interactive diorama for people who spent too much time in the Gerudo Desert and came back with ideas. Three words? Unwashed convention aftermath.

The whole setup is that post party Breath of the Wild scene we all joked about but someone actually coded. Zelda's out cold, probably from some dubious Gerudo wine, and three generic Hyrule castle rejects are ready to turn her into a modern art piece. The pacing is like a microwave burrito. Cold in the middle, then suddenly nuclear hot. You poke around, click her clothes off. Bra, panties, the usual ritual. The undressing feels almost clinical, like a doctor's visit gone very, very wrong. Then you get to the main event, a choice between pussy or anal, which is about as deep as the gameplay gets. The real punchline, the thing that made me snort, is that bottle on the left. Click near it. Go on. Suddenly Zelda's packing more than just the Triforce of Wisdom. It's a futanari mode that comes out of nowhere, like a secret boss in a dungeon you weren't supposed to find. Click her new equipment and she makes a mess. It's so absurdly on the nose for a certain type of fan mod.

The art is deliberately unpolished, that sort of 3D that looks like it was rendered on a toaster from 2007. The cumshots are less "hot semen" and more like someone spilled a bucket of white paint. The bukkake finale is just... glazing. It doesn't look like a body, it looks like a donut. And yet. There's a raw, shitpost energy to it. It knows what it is. A dumb, horny flashback to a time when rule34 was just a weird geocities page and not a multi million dollar Patreon industry. It's not trying to be a real game with a plot about saving Hyrule. Link is nowhere to be found, probably off breaking pots somewhere. This is just a cum stained snapshot, a "what if" drawn on a napkin. The sleep tag is the whole premise, and it's as creepy and ridiculous as you'd expect. No aftercare, no story, just a mess to clean up.

Right then, the cum button. That's the whole thing, isn't it? Three little speed numbers at the bottom, a loop of Link getting his green tunic absolutely wrecked, and that one shiny button waiting for you. I spent way too long just watching the doggy-style animation on speed 2. There's something about the way Zelda's hair doesn't quite move right, like it's made of plastic, that I found hypnotic. The sound is just a wet slapping noise on repeat, no music, no moans, just this relentless *plap plap plap* that started to sound like a broken washing machine after a while. My neighbor probably thinks I have a very specific plumbing problem.

The blowjob pose is a lie. It's listed, sure, but it's just her head bobbing with the enthusiasm of a nodding dashboard toy. No throat, no mess, just a polite little motion until you hit the cum button and then it's like someone spilled a pot of white paint on her chin. The parody part is doing some heavy lifting too, the character models look like they were smuggled out of a Nintendo 64 fever dream. Link's face is frozen in this permanent state of mild surprise, which, fair enough, I guess. The anal tag is there but you gotta squint, it's more of a suggestion during the doggy-style angle, a little visual ambiguity for the hopeful.

I wish the ride pose had a bit more oomph, you know? She just sort of glides up and down like a piston in an engine that's about to give out. No bounce, no weight. Clicking the speed numbers feels less like controlling passion and more like changing the gear on a very boring exercise bike. The whole thing is so unpolished it circles back around to being kind of charming, like finding a dirty drawing on a napkin. Just a sticky little loop of nonsense that doesn't overstay its welcome. You click, you watch, you click the cum button, and then you close the tab and wonder why the Zelda theme isn't playing. Missed opportunity, that.

The blue hexagon thing. That’s what gets me. You’re staring at Princess Peach, right, and she’s got this look like she just remembered she left the oven on, but also maybe she’s into it. And there’s this pulsing blue shape on screen. Click it. Scene changes. Click it again. Suddenly Krystal from Starfox is there, tail and all, and things are... progressing. It’s like a slideshow made by someone who really, really loved the late 90s internet and also had a very specific folder hidden on the family computer.

The whole thing feels like a fever dream where you’re trapped in a bootleg action figure collection. You pick one of three, and then it’s just a series of escalating, unpolished loops. The art isn’t trying to be pretty. It’s got that raw, almost uncomfortable energy of a sketchbook found behind a dumpster at a comic con. I spent way too long on one scene with Peach because the transition was so abrupt I thought my browser had crashed. Nope. Just the game’s rhythm. A weird, stuttery rhythm that somehow becomes the whole point. You’re not playing, you’re just... advancing. A curator of chaos.

Wish there was a bit more to do with the other characters, honestly. You get a taste and then it’s back to the main event. The whole thing is a parody that forgets it’s a parody halfway through and just becomes a very dedicated, very messy fantasy. It’s not a long-term thing, this game. More like a weird first date where the person shows up in a stained shirt, talks only about their niche hobby, and you can’t decide if you’re horrified or fascinated. You keep clicking the hexagon though. Just to see what happens next.

Fucking around with the Legend of Krystal v2 and honestly the bonus heroes are just... there. You pick Link, you think maybe something interesting happens, but no. Same monster dick, same weirdly stiff animations. Peach gets thrown in too but it's like the dev just imported a model and called it a day. The furry tag is doing all the heavy lifting here, Krystal's original design carries the whole mess. Not that I'm complaining about the mess. The rough sex scenes have this janky rhythm that somehow works, like a broken machine that still gets the job done. The blowjob animations cut off weird sometimes, mid-thrust, and you just stare at a frozen face for a second before it snaps back.

Wish the cumshot physics had any weight to them. It just appears, like a decal slapped on, no buildup. But then again, what am I expecting from a browser game that probably got patched together in a weekend? The original Legend of Krystal had this charm, you know? Like finding a sticky magazine in the woods. This version tries to polish that but loses something. Or maybe I'm just nostalgic for worse graphics. The new monsters are there I guess, one of them has tentacles that clip through Krystal's torso in a way that's almost impressive in its brokenness. Almost. My Steam overlay popped up mid-scene and I thought I got hacked for a second, these flash-era games and their popups, never change.

Dare to play it alone, or invite company? Actually don't invite anyone, the second-hand embarrassment would be lethal. Just you, the glitchy furries, and the ghost of Newgrounds past.