Ok so the whole thing is called Sexverse and it’s basically someone’s mod folder exploded into a browser game. You get this hub area and pick a door, each one is a different parody. The Mass Effect one with Subject Zero, I don’t know why but her tattoos in the 3dcg look kinda smeared, like someone rubbed a save file with a greasy thumb. But the scene where she grabs the back of your head during the blowjob, that specific aggressive push, they got that right. I spent way too long just rotating the camera during the Liara Tsoni scene because the blue skin texture had this weird shiny seam on her hip that kept catching the light wrong and it bugged me so much I forgot to actually enjoy the french kissing build up.

Then you click over to the Game of Thrones parody and suddenly it’s a voyeur thing with Cersei and Margaery Tyrell. The animation loops are stiff as hell, like action figures being mashed together. But the dialogue, I’m not gonna lie, the bad grammar in the text boxes actually makes it sound more like a real Cersei rant. She says something utterly vile about a stool and I laughed. The foot fetish content is there too, specific and weirdly detailed for a game where Aloy’s hair from Horizon Zero Dawn clips straight through her own bow in the next room. The NTR tag pops up in the Walking Dead section with Clementine and it’s so out of left field I had to close the tab and stare at my desktop for a bit. Not because it was hot, but because the male protagonist model they used looked like a melted Ken doll.

The Silent Hill parody with Heather Mason and the anilingus scene is where the whole project’s ambition just collapses into a weird fog. The fog effect from the original game is literally a flat grey jpeg sliding across the screen. I couldn’t stop focusing on it. The Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite scene has a handjob that syncs up surprisingly well with the little thimble on her finger. That tiny detail was perfect. Then you get Lae’zel from Baldur’s Gate 3 doing anal and the model’s legs bend backwards at a nightmare angle. It’s a complete gamble. You click for Lady Dimitrescu’s big vampire mommy energy and get distracted by a shadow glitch that makes her look like she has a beard. The sound design is just royalty free squishing noises. I think I heard the same wet slap in the Cyberpunk 2077 Judy Alvarez scene and the Lara Croft tomb one. It’s a mess. A glorious, horny, unpolished mess.

The music loops are doing something weird to my brain. Not in a good way, more like a repetitive whisper that makes me feel like I'm the one who fell down the rabbit hole and hit my head. It's the same tinkly fantasy tune, over and over, while Alice is explaining something about her kingdom and I'm just staring at her pixelated tits. They're... fine. Nothing to write home about, you know? The whole thing looks like someone drew it on a napkin and then colored it in with cheap markers. Deliberately, they say. Unpolished on purpose.

But then Jack, the beanstalk guy, shows up and he's got this weirdly detailed bulge and the dialogue option pops up. "Help him climb his stalk." I snorted. Actually snorted my drink. The choices are so blunt it loops back around to being hilarious. One minute you're deciding whether to steal Rumplestiltskin's gold, the next you're balls deep in the Queen of Hearts while she screams about chopping your

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