ok so i was scrolling through itch.io looking for something quick and dumb and found this incredibles parody thing. you know how these go, right? it's a kinetic novel so you just click and watch. no choices. just helen parr getting absolutely wrecked by increasingly stupid objects.

the 3dcg is rough. like really rough. her face looks like a melted barbie doll in some scenes and the lighting makes everyone look like they're made of plastic. but honestly that's part of the charm? i don't know. the first scene she's just sitting there all innocent and then suddenly there's a toy the size of my forearm and she's just... taking it. the anatomy doesn't make sense. her ass is comically huge. like someone inflated a beach ball and painted it skin color. i laughed out loud when i saw it.

there's this one scene with violet that comes out of nowhere. mother daughter bonding i guess? they're both using these ridiculous toys and the whole thing feels like someone's fever dream. the nipple penetration tag is not lying btw. i had to pause and just stare at my screen for a minute. who comes up with this stuff. the fisting scene is animated in this jerky way that reminds me of those old flash games from newgrounds where the physics were all wrong.

the sound design is nonexistent basically. just some looping moans that sound like they were recorded in a bathroom. i kept thinking about how weird it is that we have this whole genre of unpolished porn games where the jank is the whole point. like if it was too polished it would be creepy in a different way. this is just some horny mess someone made in blender over a weekend and honestly respect. the corruption tag is there but it's not really a slow burn, she goes from zero to giant toy in like three clicks. whatever. my phone autocorrected "blender" to "blender" three times while writing this.

The 17th installment of the Pussymon the saga, and it is expected to be one of the largest updates to the show... it's the most significant up to now at the least. The story will go on and you'll get more details regarding the legendary creature Hydragodon and how risky it can be if you can't figure out how to prepare appropriately. However, don't worry about it - you can still enjoy the typical things like searching for new sexymons, and unlocking sexy new animations and cards will remain in the game! Additionally, there will be some minigames and gameplay features that are currently in beta testing, however should you enjoy these enough, then they'll be added regularly. It is time to go back to exciting adventures! You shouldn't spend any more time on it as there are more episodes to come!

So Danny McCroy, right? This guy. He's got a face like a melted candle but somehow all these women with tits bigger than my head just fall onto his dick. The 3D models are... something. During the fisting scene with the landlady I noticed her elbow kept clipping through her own ribcage and I sat there thinking about how bones work for a solid minute instead of jerking off. That's not what you want from your porn game.

The asian milf next door has this animation where she rides you and her ass just keeps expanding. Like someone's inflating a balloon behind her. I couldn't stop laughing. Then the game crashed when I tried to switch positions to anal. Of course it did. Reloaded, lost my progress, had to click through Danny's stupid monologue again. The man talks about his feelings like anyone cares. Just shut up and do the cunnilingus already.

The sex toy drawer has a vibrator that phases through the woman's body. Not in a ghost way, in a lazy developer way. But here's the thing. I kept playing. The big tits jiggle physics are actually decent when they're not having a seizure. The oral sex scenes have this wet sound effect that's way too loud, like someone stirring macaroni directly into your ear canal, and I hate that I started to find it hot. The vaginal sex with the neighbor where she keeps her heels on, that one worked almost perfectly and I forgot I was mad about the fisting disaster. Almost. The male protagonist still looks like a thumb with eyes but whatever, I'm not here for him. Why does he grunt like a dying lawnmower? Never mind. The game's broken but so am I apparently.