Right, so the balls are numbered and you're trying to hit 21 without going bust, but on a pool table. Took me a solid ten minutes to figure out why the 8 ball kept fucking me over. It's not just sinking balls, it's like the table is the dealer and every pocket is a trap. You line up a shot, the cue ball slides through the felt all smooth, and then you realize you just potted a 10 and a 5 and now you're sitting at 15 and the girl on the other side of the table is already unbuttoning her top because she knows you're about to choke.

The real models thing is weirdly compelling. Not in a glossy, airbrushed way. More like someone's messy apartment with bad lighting and a girl who's genuinely trying to distract you by leaning over the table. Her tits practically spill out when she chalks her cue, and you're supposed to be calculating angles. I lost three hands in a row once because I was staring at the way her skirt rode up when she bent over to take a shot. The strip mechanic is tied to the blackjack score, so if you bust, she keeps her clothes on and you feel like a double failure. Bad at math and bad at getting her naked.

The billiard physics are... there. Sometimes the cue ball goes exactly where you aim, other times it skids off like the table is tilted. Makes me want to throw my mouse. But then she'll miss a shot and flash a bit of lace and suddenly I don't care about the shitty collision detection. There's this one blonde, I forget her name, who does this little shimmy when she wins a hand. Hate her. Want to see her lose every stitch. The arcade mode just throws you into back to back games with no menus, which is nice when you're already, you know, distracted. Just click and play and hope your aim is better than your addition.