I keep coming back to the cowgirl, the one with the ridiculous chest and the thousand yard stare when you poke her enough times. The game doesn't explain its systems, you just sort of figure out that clicking on different body parts at different times of day builds up some invisible meter. I spent maybe twenty minutes just seeing how many times I could get the ranch owner to sigh before she finally let me do something more interesting. The animations are stiff, like someone learned Blender last Tuesday and decided that was good enough, but there's this one ahegao expression on the redhead that loops a little too perfectly. I've seen it in my dreams.

The sandbox part is weird because nothing stops you from just harassing every girl in sequence. There's no punishment, no consequences, just a bunch of 3D models that eventually give in. I accidentally discovered the titfuck scene with the stable hand while trying to figure out how to leave the barn. My character's hands clip through her shirt in a way that made me laugh out loud, then I kept watching anyway. The sound design is just some stock moaning looped, but whatever pervert recorded those voice lines understood the assignment. I wish there was more to do with the horses. Not in a weird way. Or maybe in a weird way, I don't know, the game's already broken my moral compass.

Speaking of broken, the stripping mechanic is basically just removing layers like a horny onion. I kept expecting some kind of minigame or stamina bar, but no, you just click and clothes vanish. The virgin tag applies to the protagonist I guess, though he seems pretty confident for someone who's never done this before. My favorite part is watching the ranch owner's big ass clip through the porch railing during the blowjob scene. I've played actual Steam games with worse physics. Starlewd Valley or whatever it's parodying, I never played it, but now I'm curious if the original has this many cowgirls. Probably not. The fingering animations in the hayloft are the best part, don't let anyone tell you different. I need to go touch grass. Real grass. Not the 3DCG kind.