Bajoran nose ridges. Three of them. That's what I'm staring at while 6 of 9, our blonde Borg escapee, is trying to figure out if a Klingon's secondary spinal cord actually connects to his... you know. The game never tells you his name, just "Kingon". This whole thing is a fever dream of misremembered Trek lore and I'm honestly here for it. The art looks like someone drew it on a DS stylus in 2006 and forgot to save the high-res version. Every line has that shaky Flash vector wobble, like it's about to decompile itself if you click too fast.

Spook is gay. That's not subtext, that's the first choice you make on his "homo deck". I picked the rear rammer machine because obviously. The scene plays out with all the grace of a Geocities GIF, and then 6 of 9 is back on the bridge like nothing happened. What even is continuity? The game doesn't care, and neither do I. There's a "space pussy box" later on. I don't know what I expected. It's a box. In space. With a pussy. Moving on.

Captain Kurt gets an enema. That's a sentence I typed and a thing that happens. The Whora scene, a black woman who is definitely not Uhura if you squint and ignore the name, goes full lesbian with 6 of 9. The sound design, if you can call it that, is just compressed moans layered over what might be a refrigerator hum. I tabbed out to check Discord and forgot the game was running. Came back to a static shot of the Doctor looking disappointed in me. The whole thing is offensive in that specific early-internet way where you can't tell if it's parody or just... sincere horny chaos. If you're homophobic, the Spook sections will probably make you unplug your router. But then you'd miss the Klingon blowjob scene where the anatomy doesn't make any sense. Why does it have ridges there too?