The beach scene is where it all clicks. Or doesn't click. Depends on your definition of clicking. There's this blonde, right, and she's doing that thing with her sunglasses where she looks over them and you just know the animator spent exactly 47 minutes on that one expression and then said "fuck it" for the rest of the face rigging. Her mouth does something weird during dialogue. Like it's trying to escape her face. I couldn't stop staring at it.

The pickup mechanics are basically a flowchart wearing a trenchcoat pretending to be a conversation. You pick option A, she likes it. Option B, she doesn't. Revolutionary stuff. But here's the thing. The wrong choices are actually funnier than the right ones. I deliberately tanked a conversation just to see the guy fumble through some pickup line about star signs and the look of pure disappointment on her 3d model's face was worth more than any successful romance path. The story is this classic love triangle thing where you're supposed to fuck both women. That's literally the task. The game tells you this. No subtlety whatsoever. I respect that.

The lesson of passion stuff, whatever that means, is mostly just clicking through text boxes until clothes start disappearing. The blonde character has this one scene where the lighting actually works and for a split second I forgot I was playing something that looks like it was rendered on a calculator from 2006. Then the camera angle changes and her elbow clips through a wall and I'm back to reality. I wish the dialogue trees had more branches that actually mattered but they don't and they won't. The sex scenes are functional. You know what you're getting. The sound design is just. It's there. Sometimes. Other times it's not and I'm not sure if that's a bug or a feature. The beach background loops awkwardly. The waves don't match the shore. I noticed this and now you will too.