You ever just stare at something and think, yeah, that's exactly what I needed at 11 PM on a Wednesday? The intro is so deliberately janky. The assistant, Maria, is presented like this impossible fantasy right from the jump, and the game doesn't even try to hide it. Her model has this weird shading glitch around her collarbone, like a bad spray tan in a high-school yearbook photo. I spent an embarrassing amount of time just rotating the camera while she's doing her idle animation. The sex is tagged as hard and rough, and it doesn't disappoint, the sound design is what gets me. It's not some over-produced moaning track, it's this raw, almost uncomfy wet slapping that loops a millisecond too soon so you get this stutter effect. Perfection.

My girlfriend in the game, the model, she's got this dead-eyed look that's supposed to be sultry but honestly makes it seem like she's thinking about her taxes during the best threesome scene. And that threesome, Jesus. The clipping. There's a moment where Dave's hand goes straight through Maria's hip and for a second it looks like some kind of Cronenberg body-horror porno. I wish the game let you just fail the relationship more spectacularly earlier on, just a full nuclear option, but it stringes you along to reach the five endings. The thing is, you're just clicking through, waiting for the next bit of chaos where the seams show. The dialogue has this translation weirdness, like "she make the feel so good on my body" that's honestly more charming than if it were polished. One animation for rough sex has this headboard banging rhythm that's completely out of sync with the hip thrust, and it's the funniest goddamn thing I've seen all week. I keep going back to get the other endings but honestly I just let the broken loop play while I scroll on my phone.