The loading screen is a pixelated couch. Already I'm suspicious. You click on a blurry blonde who is definitely not supposed to be legally distinct from Jennifer Aniston and the whole thing just... unzips. Not the game, my sanity. The "comedy" tag is doing some heavy lifting here because the dialogue reads like a bot sc*** a 90s sitcom transcript and then had a stroke. "Could this BE any more of a handjob?" is an actual line I had to process with my own eyes.

The art style is what happens when you let a horny algorithm loose on a decade old Newgrounds flash file. Charlie, who looks like he was drawn from memory by someone who only saw the show once in a dentist's waiting room, just kind of materializes with his dick out. There's no foreplay, no buildup. One minute you're in a coffee shop parody called "Central Jerk" and the next you're staring at a t-posing model with a physics engine that makes the boobs move like water balloons in a centrifuge. I spent five minutes trying to click on a smelly cat that was just a static background element. It did nothing. I respected that.

Top 3 Moments You'll Want to Screenshot. One: the moment you realize the "rough sex" tag means the characters clip through each other so aggressively they briefly become a single, horrifying flesh orb. Two: any dialogue option where you can just type "Gunther" and the game crashes. Three: the post-nut clarity screen that's just a jpeg of a stained apartment wall. The humor is accidental, the parody is legally questionable, and the friends tag is a lie. You won't find friendship here. You'll find a blonde getting railed on a countertop while a laugh track plays at completely random intervals. It's the most honest piece of media I've consumed this year. The sound design is just one wet slap effect on loop and a midi version of the theme song that slowly distorts the longer you play. I haven't closed the tab in three days.