The first time Tali got railed by a thresher maw I actually choked on my drink. Not even joking. You think you know what you're getting with a Mass Effect parody, some cheeky nudity and maybe a few awkward sex scenes, but then the game throws a full on monster cock at you and suddenly you're questioning your life choices in the best way possible.

This is the next chapter apparently, Tali floating around space with some new crew after that abandoned ship business. I never played the first part but it doesn't matter. You got your sandbox setup, fly around, talk to people, and then things get messy. The 3DCG is deliberately janky in places, like someone was learning Blender while horny, but somehow that makes it hotter. Miranda's ass is absolutely ridiculous, like physically impossible proportions, and the game knows it. There's this one scene where Shepard just watches her bend over a console for like two minutes straight. No dialogue. Just... staring. And honestly? Same.

The corruption stuff sneaks up on you. One minute you're having normal conversations with Ashley about ship protocols, next thing you know she's touching herself in the cargo bay while calling you commander in that breathy voice. Samara shows up too, which was unexpected, and her scenes go places I genuinely wasn't prepared for. Let's just say the Justicar code doesn't cover what happens in the observation lounge.

The combat is whatever, basic click and watch stuff, but nobody's here for the shooting. Shiala has this whole side thing where she teaches you about embracing eternity that ends with her bent over a Prothean artifact. I think. I was distracted. The female protagonist option changes some dynamics but honestly I kept forgetting to switch back to Shepard because Tali's voice acting during the anal scenes is something else entirely. The game crashed once during a Kasumi scene and I've never reloaded something faster in my life.