The first time Tali got railed by a thresher maw I actually choked on my drink. Not even joking. You think you know what you're getting with a Mass Effect parody, some cheeky nudity and maybe a few awkward sex scenes, but then the game throws a full on monster cock at you and suddenly you're questioning your life choices in the best way possible.

This is the next chapter apparently, Tali floating around space with some new crew after that abandoned ship business. I never played the first part but it doesn't matter. You got your sandbox setup, fly around, talk to people, and then things get messy. The 3DCG is deliberately janky in places, like someone was learning Blender while horny, but somehow that makes it hotter. Miranda's ass is absolutely ridiculous, like physically impossible proportions, and the game knows it. There's this one scene where Shepard just watches her bend over a console for like two minutes straight. No dialogue. Just... staring. And honestly? Same.

The corruption stuff sneaks up on you. One minute you're having normal conversations with Ashley about ship protocols, next thing you know she's touching herself in the cargo bay while calling you commander in that breathy voice. Samara shows up too, which was unexpected, and her scenes go places I genuinely wasn't prepared for. Let's just say the Justicar code doesn't cover what happens in the observation lounge.

The combat is whatever, basic click and watch stuff, but nobody's here for the shooting. Shiala has this whole side thing where she teaches you about embracing eternity that ends with her bent over a Prothean artifact. I think. I was distracted. The female protagonist option changes some dynamics but honestly I kept forgetting to switch back to Shepard because Tali's voice acting during the anal scenes is something else entirely. The game crashed once during a Kasumi scene and I've never reloaded something faster in my life.

The first time Tali gets properly fucked in this thing, it's not even Shepard. Some random turian on Omega, and the game just... lets it happen. No fade to black, no coy camera angle. Full penetration, her face mask fogging up, that little whimper sound she makes. I had to alt-tab for a second. Not because it was hot. Well, yes because it was hot, but also because my brain was doing that thing where you realize you've been playing a character for three Mass Effect games and now she's getting railed against a cargo crate for credits.

The corruption mechanics are what get you. Not in a "oh no my purity" way, more like watching someone's GPS recalculate after they miss an exit. Tali starts off doing her pilgrimage thing, trying to help the flotilla, and then Jedore shows up. That's where the sandbox opens up. You can fight, sure. Combat's janky but functional. Or you can let things slide. A little teasing here, some masturbation while thinking about what that asari said. The game tracks it all, and Tali's internal monologue shifts. She stops making excuses. Starts... anticipating.

Shiala's corruption scene broke something in me. Not the character, me. The way the 3DCG renders her skin, that weird greenish tint, and Tali just watching, then participating. Liara shows up later and it's almost worse because you remember her from the actual games, all earnest and nerdy, and here she's got her face buried between Tali's legs while Samara lectures about discipline. The big ass tag isn't lying, by the way. Miranda's model is ridiculous. Ashley's too. But it's the monster stuff with EDI that made me close the browser entirely and then reopen it five minutes later. The female protagonist angle means you're always in Tali's headspace, even when she's getting double-teamed by varren. That's a sentence I just typed.

The sandbox structure means you can miss entire character arcs. I didn't even find the anal sex path with the quarian admiral until my third playthrough. The animated sequences are surprisingly smooth for browser-based 3DCG, though the loading times between Jedore's combat sections made me want to throw my laptop. Not that I have a better solution. The game just exists, this weird horny artifact that understands Mass Effect better than Andromeda ever did, and it's free, and it's corrupting my search history.