The cake is a lie, but the cake on Pochaco is very, very real. I spent an unreasonable amount of time just watching the idle animation, that little bounce she does. It’s hypnotic. You know how in some games the boob physics feel like they were coded by someone who’s only seen a water balloon in a textbook? This isn’t that. It’s a whole mood. A whole, jiggly, blonde mood that makes you forget there’s supposed to be a point to all this.

The whole setup is basically a sex tape premise without the annoying camera guy. She’s in her bedroom, looking like a marshmallow that went to the beach, all bikini and chubby curves. I fixated on the flying tree frog sticker on her wall for a solid minute. It’s just there. Staring. Judging my life choices while I’m trying to figure out the titfuck controls. The paizuri scene is the main event, obviously, and it’s a logistical marvel. Her measurements are something insane, B-107 and all that, and the game makes sure you appreciate the sheer mass of the situation. It’s a breast expansion tag without the actual expansion, she just comes pre-expanded, like a deluxe edition.

Then there’s the blowjob. She’s got this look, this Super Sonico adjacent cute face that’s trying to be innocent but her mouth is full. The audio is a bit crunchy, like it was recorded on a phone from 2012, which honestly adds to the whole unpolished charm. It’s a short loop, and I got distracted halfway through because I remembered I left my actual laundry in the machine. Came back, she was still going. Dedication. The chubby body type is the real star, the way her hips just sort of spill over the edge of the screen frame during the doggy style tease. It’s a specific taste, a very specific, calorie-dense taste, and this game is a whole damn bakery.