You know what I tracked first? The exact number of losses before Lana's mask comes off. 7 hands. I lost 7 hands in a row, deliberately, just to see if the Black Canary cosplay stays on forever. It doesn't. The leather jacket slides down her shoulders on hand 4, the fishnets get rolled down one leg at a time around hand 6, and that stupid domino mask, the one that somehow makes everything hotter, that stays until the final piece. I have a spreadsheet. Don't judge me.

The blackjack itself is broken in a way I can't stop thinking about. Dealer stands on soft 17, which is standard, but the card counting, oh man, the card counting doesn't work because the deck reshuffles after every hand. I ran the numbers. The probability of hitting 21 when she's showing a 6 is still around 11%, but it feels worse because you're distracted by the striptease animations looping in the background. There's this one animation where she adjusts her choker and the whole thing stutters, like the game forgot what frame comes next. Happens every third win. I wish they'd fix it, but they won't. This thing is what it is.

Lana's model has this weird lighting on her collarbone that makes her look like a mannequin from a store that went out of business in 2006. The arcade cabinet framing, with the score counters and the flashing "INSERT COIN" text that doesn't do anything when you click it, that part actually works for me. Reminds me of those old browser games on Newgrounds where you'd play strip poker against a jpeg of Tifa. Same energy. The numbers float over her tits in this ugly green font, and when you bust, the "BUST" text covers her face completely, which is either a bug or a design choice from someone who understands frustration as a fetish. I'm still not sure which. Probably both.

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