Dua Lipa’s left tit has a tiny freckle just under the areola and I only know that because of this absolute disaster of a game. It’s basically a slideshow of chopped up celebrity chests and you have to guess who they belong to, which sounds simple until you’re staring at three pixels of sideboob trying to remember if that’s 2004 Britney or Christina Aguilera during her Dirrty phase. The whole thing runs in browser and looks like it was coded in a fever dream, images stretched wrong, wrong answers literally just showing a sad trombone sound effect that plays over your laptop speakers.

The scoring system is pure chaos. Sometimes you get partial credit for guessing “Jennifer Aniston” when the answer was “younger Jennifer Aniston” and sometimes the game just decides no, you idiot, that was clearly Shakira. I lost 50 points once because I didn’t recognize a grainy photo of, I shit you not, Lindsay Lohan from Mean Girls era that was cropped so tight it could have been a bag of sand for all anyone knows. My high score is pathetic. I’ve played this thing like forty times now.

There’s no animation, no story, no unlockables. Just tits and failure, mostly the latter. The “results” at the end just say something vague like “you know your celebs” or “keep studying” and I swear the font they used is Papyrus. Pure art. Absolute garbage. I’m going back in.