The loading screen is just a photo of a subway car that looks like it was taken with a potato. Not a fancy potato either, like one someone found in the back of the cupboard. And the font for the menu? Comic Sans. I am not joking. My son is 17 and he left this in his browser history, which is why I found it obviously, and the first thing I see is a title screen that looks like a school project from 1998. I knew exactly what this was going to be. I don't know why I clicked.

So there's this woman, Monica, on a train and the whole gimmick is she's pressing her chest against you. The art is very... specific. Her breasts are so large they don't really follow the perspective of the rest of her body, they're like two planetoids with their own gravitational fields. You just click on her to increase a meter. Click click click. There are no other passengers, which is somehow more unsettling than if there were. Just a silent, empty train with this one anime woman and your disembodied clicking hand apparently. A ghost is groping this poor commuter. The animation for the... release... is very short and then it's over. The description called it "the real price of passionful sex" which is a phrase I now cannot scrub from my brain.

I wish the train would move or something. There's a window but it's just static, the same blur frame the whole time. It's such a small thing but when you're clicking the same three spots for two minutes, you notice the background. I once played Candy Crush on a flight to Boise and honestly that had more narrative tension than this. The whole thing is one loop and then the game just sort of sits there. No high score, no ending, just a sticky mess on a silent train. The loading screen menu font really set the tone. Stayed with me more than the actual content did.