The pickup lines in this thing are so bad they circle back around to being art. I walked up to a girl in a school uniform, my stats barely enough to tie my own shoes, and the dialogue option was something like "Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got FINE written all over you." She didn't just reject me, the game made a sad trombone noise and my character's charm stat visibly dropped. I had to go to the gym for three in-game days just to recover my dignity. It's that kind of grind, the one where you're not sure if you're playing a simulator or being punished for past life crimes.

The whole thing is a messy loop of working a dead-end job, doing pushups in your pixel apartment, and then trying to chat up women who are wildly out of your league. There's a teacher character with tits that defy physics, the kind of big tits tag that makes you wonder if the developer has ever seen a real human spine. You have to "fuck your teacher" as the description says, but first you need to upgrade your hero enough to not get laughed out of her classroom. I spent twenty minutes just sleeping and eating virtual protein bars to get my strength up, only to realize I'd neglected my intelligence stat and couldn't even start her questline. Back to the library, I guess. The whole RPG layer is held together with duct tape and hope, stats going up in ways that feel random, like the game is just making up numbers to keep you busy.

The sound design is... a choice. There's this one looping track that sounds like a ringtone from 2006 having a stroke, and the sex scenes are accompanied by wet slapping noises that are so over the top I had to check if my headphones were broken. But here's the thing, after a while I stopped caring about the jank. I was too busy trying to figure out why the nurse character only appears on Tuesdays in-game, or why buying a leather jacket suddenly made every woman in the park want to talk to me. It's not a dating sim, it's a social experiment in how much nonsense a person will tolerate to see a badly animated tit. I wish the job minigame wasn't just clicking a button, but it won't be changed. The whole thing feels like a fever dream I had after eating too much cheese, and I mean that as a compliment. Or maybe an insult. I forgot where I was going with this.