The pixel art is, how you say, not good. It looks like someone drew it on a bus. A bumpy bus. But the ninja girl, she has this one attack where she spins and her tunic flies up and you see everything. I spent maybe ten minutes just tapping Z to watch it. The monsters are these blob things with too many tentacles, and a big guy who looks like a melted candle. When they grab you, the screen gets all pink and blurry, like you're looking through a steamed-up shower door.

The fighting is... what is the word. Mushy. You press Z and sometimes she swings her sword, sometimes she just stands there. I think the game wants you to lose, honestly. The hitbox for the monster's grab is insane. I was a full character length away and suddenly I'm in a looped animation with a tentacle monster doing things that would get you arrested in most countries. There's a masturbation button. X. Just press X. She drops her sword and, well, you can figure it out. It doesn't help you win. It actually makes the monsters more aggressive? Or maybe that was a coincidence. I don't know. The explosion move with C is useless, it never hits anything and the cooldown is forever.

I wish there was a gallery mode. You have to get caught on purpose to see the scenes, and then you die and restart the whole level. It's frustrating. The scroll item you pick up does nothing as far as I can tell. Maybe it's a score thing. Who cares about score in a game like this. The oral scenes with the candle guy are surprisingly detailed for something that looks like it was made in MS Paint. The sound is just... wet noises. No music. Just slapping and squishing. It's uncomfortable after a while. I turned it off and put on a podcast. The game crashed when I beat the second boss, so I never saw the ending. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe the real ending was the monsters we got fucked by along the way. That's stupid. Forget I said that.