Got this thing called Bar Girls, right? The whole setup is three chicks standing there, a blonde, a redhead, another blonde I think, all with massive tits and that early 2000s real model photo look where the lighting is slightly off and they're probably someone's cousin. You pick one and then suddenly you're not even looking at her anymore, you're controlling this little hand at the bottom of the screen catching beer bottles.

The bottles fall and you move left and right. That's it. That's the whole mechanic. Catch enough to hit 2000 points and the girl you picked does a striptease. The arcade tag makes sense because it feels like one of those shitty midway games where you try to grab a prize but the claw is rigged, except here the prize is pixelated tits. The catcher tag is literal. You catch things.

The striptease itself is just a series of photos. She starts dressed, then less dressed, then you see everything. The erotic tag is doing heavy lifting because calling it hot is generous. The photos are grainy and the transitions between them are about as smooth as a brick. But I kept playing. I don't know why. Something about the beer bottles stacking up and the number climbing made my brain go brrr. The bar setting is just a background image that you forget exists after thirty seconds.

One of the girls has this expression like she's waiting for a bus. The redhead actually looks into the camera which is unnerving. The big tits are there, technically, but the photo quality makes everything look like it was scanned from a magazine in 1998. I caught 2000 points and got my reward and felt nothing. Then I did it again with the other girl. Still nothing. The third time I missed a bottle and almost threw my phone across the room. The game doesn't save your score between rounds which is bullshit. You start from zero every time. No achievements to track, no unlocks to map, just the same three women and the same falling bottles forever. I think I hate it but I'm still thinking about that redhead's dead-eyed stare.