Fucking poker pool again. I swear this game knows I can't do math when there's a blonde taking her top off in the corner of the screen. Last time I played this I lost like six rounds in a row because I was staring at the video unlock preview instead of calculating whether three striped balls plus two solids makes anything. It doesn't. That's not even a hand. I don't know what I was thinking.

The concept is you're playing this weird hybrid where you sink pool balls to make poker hands, and if you beat the computer opponent you get another clip of the model stripping by the pool. The video quality is what you'd expect from something that looks like it was filmed on a phone from 2016, but honestly that's part of the charm. The model is clearly just some girl who answered a casting call and is trying to look seductive while probably freezing because they filmed this at an outdoor pool at sunset. Her acting is exactly one notch above "reading instructions off a cue card" and I find that incredibly endearing. The striptease is slow, awkward in that specific way that real amateur stuff always is, and I keep coming back to it.

The actual game part makes no sense. Sometimes the physics engine just decides the cue ball goes sideways for no reason. I had a perfect setup for a flush and then the eight ball teleported? I think? I don't know what happened but I lost and the game just stared at me with that "try again" screen. No new video. Just failure. This is what dating apps feel like. You do everything right and still end up watching nothing while a pixelated woman judges you silently. The pool table has this ugly green felt that looks like it was rendered in MS Paint but whatever, I'm not here for the felt texture.