The loading screen is just a jpeg of a nurse with tits that look like overfilled water balloons and I already know what I'm in for. Lucky Patient part whatever, the finale. I didn't play the others. Don't need to. Mr. Johnson, who is just a disembodied cock with a name, is going to "bang" some "sluts". The writing is exactly that level of poetry. The 3d models have that shiny, early 2000s render look where everyone's skin is made of the same material as a new car dashboard.

There's this one part where the doctor character, I think she's a doctor, she has a stethoscope just hanging between her tits, she gets bent over an examination table. The animation loops. It's rough, I guess, in the way a jackhammer is rough. Just piston motion. No weight. But the sound design, or lack of it, is what gets me. It's just one wet slapping noise on repeat, like someone is slowly clapping with a slice of ham. I couldn't stop laughing. Then you get to the end and a little menu pops up. "Choose where to shoot Your load!" with a capital Y. Facial or creampie. The facial option is just a static cg image that looks like someone spilled a pot of white paint on her chin. It's so unsexy it circles back around to being fascinating. Like a medical diagram of a very specific, stupid injury.

The whole thing is a mess. The cumshot textures are probably the laziest I've ever seen, just a flat white splatter that doesn't even follow the contours of the face. It's perfect. I love it. I mean I hate it. The big tits are so big they clip through the arms during the rough sex scene and it's the most genuine thing in the entire game. A real mistake in a sea of deliberate, boring choices. I forgot what I was talking about. The nurse has a hat. That's important.