The inheritance scene is basically a slideshow of jpegs, like someone animated it in PowerPoint after three beers. But then the maid shows up and the handjob animation is actually smooth. Weird priorities, right? This game is a harem dating sim called Journey: Rebirth, and it’s all about a loser guy getting a mansion and suddenly every woman in a ten mile radius wants to vacuum his dick. The oral sex scenes have this sloppy sound effect that’s way too wet, like stirring mac and cheese, and I can’t decide if it’s gross or genius.

I spent most of my time grinding affection with the redhead, thinking I was locking in the romance path, but the game just throws vaginal sex scenes at you regardless. It’s not really a dating sim if your choices melt into the same animated loop of him plowing someone on a yacht. The writing is this bizarre mix of melodrama and porn logic, one minute you’re brooding about your dead uncle’s secrets, next minute a business rival is offering a handjob in a limo. I wish the mystery plot mattered at all but it’s just a coat rack for the next titty drop.

The harem management part is basically nonexistent, you just click through dialogue and collect scenes like Pokémon. I found myself going back to the gallery just to replay the maid’s oral animation because the physics on her tongue were strangely hypnotic, even though the male protagonist’s face is frozen in this constant state of mild constipation. The whole thing runs in a browser, no fuss, and I alt tabbed to check Discord during the longer dialogue dumps. Honestly, for a game that’s deliberately unpolished, it’s got one specific doggystyle loop that’s better animated than some AAA titles, which is a sentence I never thought I’d type. The music loops every forty seconds and I wanted to rip my ears off, but I didn’t close the tab, so what does that say about me.