I nearly threw my phone across the room. Not because it's bad, but because my thumb slipped for like the fifth time during that first boss fight and I swear the flutter physics are tuned by someone who hates hands. It's one of those flappy things, you get it. Topaz, yeah she's the GUN agent from Sonic X, that purple hair with the tight suit, got snatched by this bucket of bolts Eggman. And you're a robot bird chasing them, probably something Tails slapped together after a bad burrito.

The gallery's the whole point, right? Let's not pretend. You suffer through these Metal Sonic looking attacks and the spawns come at you from angles that make no goddamn sense, all while collecting these little blue wrigglers. I kept thinking, what are these even made of, some kinda badnik juice? And the screen shake when you clip a wall, ugh. I swear the third level has a gap that's mathematically impossible unless you're a hummingbird on crack. But you push through. You push through because that "what happened to Topaz" question eats at you. The hentai scenes are the reward and they are explicit enough, the weird part is how Eggman's bots are involved, some metallic tentacle rig situation that's depraved in that specific Sonic parody way. You know those old newgrounds flash animations? Energy like that.

I should mention the controls are in the menu. I know because I missed them and spent ten minutes tapping the screen like an idiot. The menu itself feels like it was made in Windows 98, but honestly it adds to the charm. No tutorials, just cruelty. There's a moment in level two where the background flashes red and I'm still not sure if it's a bug or the game mocking my timing. Either way, I hate that mechanic. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?