I almost closed the tab after the first level. You're just a little dot, right? Sliding around this flat, ugly grid collecting green spots. It feels like a broken mouse tutorial from 2003. The red spots appear with a timer and I swear the hitbox is drunk. I kept missing them by a pixel and yelling at my screen, which is not the mood I was aiming for, honestly.

But then the hentai reward pops up. And okay, fine. The art is that specific crusty Flash era style where the busty girl has anatomy that defies both physics and spinal health. Her boobs are massive, the kind of big boobs that look like they're trying to escape the screen. It's so aggressively unpolished that it loops back around to being funny. The whole thing is a funny game without meaning to be. I'm not sure the developers were in on the joke, but I am. Each level you clear, the image gets slightly more explicit, and the gameplay stays exactly the same. No new mechanics, just more green dots. It's a grind, but the prize is a progressively lewder jpeg, like a weird digital striptease where you pay with boredom.

There's this one level where the timer is so short I thought my browser was lagging. I failed it like six times. The red spot was tucked in a corner behind a wall and I just... I wish the dot moved faster. It won't ever be changed, this game is fossilized in internet amber. But that frustration made the final blue spot feel like winning the lottery. A stupid, horny lottery. The whole thing is a xxx game that forgot to be sexy because it's too busy being a bizarre test of patience. It's like if QWOP had a baby with a porn pop-up. And that one red spot can still go fuck itself.