DragonDong. That name. It’s like someone took a fantasy epic and just... squeezed it until something sticky came out. And honestly? That’s kind of the whole vibe here. It’s a Skyrim mod showcase turned into a visual novel, all that familiar janky 3D porn aesthetic but with a lo-fi charm that grows on you, like a weird song you can’t stop humming. The soundtrack is actually massive, over 120 tracks, and some of them have this chill, almost melancholic synth thing going on that completely clashes with the fact you’re about to watch a very detailed, 60fps animated scene of a catgirl getting railed from a first person POV.

The combat is there, I guess. You pick a class, you get gear, there are stats. I spent a weird amount of time just trading iron daggers to afford a slightly better chestplate, completely ignoring the main quest about my vanishing dragon kin. The whole thing is about the last DragonDong needing to repopulate the bloodline, which is a flimsy but effective excuse to travel across Skyradia and stick your legendary dick in everything. The virgin mage companion, the rough warrior woman, they all have their own affection systems and fetish checklists you can tick off. There’s a reputation system too, so you can be a noble hero who also happens to have a gallery full of unlockable oral sex replays. The game doesn’t judge.

I got stuck for ten minutes on a dialogue choice with a wood elf because I picked the wrong skill check and she just repeated the same line about distrusting outsiders. The writing can be that special kind of clumsy, like it was translated through pure horniness. But then a scene hits, a fully voiced, uncensored one with actual moans and squelchy SFX, and you forget the awkward grammar. You can avoid all the sex scenes if you want, which is a feature I respect even if I don’t understand it. The whole thing feels like a fever dream you’d have after falling asleep in front of a heavily modded loading screen, and I mean that as a compliment. Or maybe I don’t. I’m not sure. The replay gallery is right there, tempting me to check the combat mini-games I skipped. Probably won’t, though.