A Knight of Spades gets thrown against my Queen of Hearts and this actual person on screen, some model with short dark hair, loses her top. That's the loop. Cards hitting cards, higher number wins, clothes come off. I'm tracking unlocks like an achievement whore and here it's just about seeing how many rounds you can chain before the RNG screws you. The arcade part is bare, almost spitefully simple. Pick a knight card, opponent picks theirs, compare. The "cover" mechanic is weird. You can sometimes sacrifice a low card to protect the one that's about to strip her further down. Doesn't always feel like strategy, more like a fidget spinner for your mouse while you wait.

The striptease card rewards are video clips. Looping ones. And listen, the compression artifacts on some of these are brutal. Like early 2000s webcam brutal. But then the current model, the one with the smirk, she does this little shimmy when her skirt drops and suddenly I don't care about pixel blocks. The whole thing has this unpolished grime that's kind of the point. It's not trying for sleek. The card art itself looks like someone scanned a medieval tapestry and then got bored halfway through.

Got stuck for fifteen minutes because I didn't realize the "knight value" in the bottom corner wasn't his power. It's his speed. Or something. The tutorial is just a text popup I closed by accident. So you learn by losing. Lose enough and you're back to a clothed screen, which, for an adult game, is a surprisingly effective punishment. There's a whole deck building aspect I haven't figured out. You get new cards but they seem tied to specific models and I think I accidentally fused my best card with a Joker? Whatever. The real model clips are the achievement. Not the game.