The handjob tutorial. That’s where I lost it, not in the laughing way. Mordred’s supposed to be this royal bastard infiltrating a matriarchy, all dark political scheming, but the first real skill check is a knight teaching you how to jerk her off and I failed it. Twice. She just looked at me with those AI generated, slightly mismatched eyes and sighed. I’ve never felt so judged by a piece of 2D animation.

This whole setup is insane. You’re a man in a world run by women who’ve flipped the script completely, and the turn based combat is basically a sex act minigame where you can be dominant or, in my case, fumble around like a virgin at a light switch. I picked a dialogue option I thought was assertive, something about taking control, and the game interpreted it as me being a submissive little footstool. Next thing I know, there’s a footjob scene that I absolutely did not earn through any strategic genius. The animation was smooth, I’ll give it that. The way the toes curled. But my character’s internal monologue was all about how he’d found his true purpose, and I’m sitting there thinking, buddy, I just clicked the wrong button because I was distracted by the dystopian fantasy lore dump about grain taxes.

The art is this weird mix of really crisp AI CG for the explicit stuff and then more standard 2D for the rest. During an oral sex scene with a commander, her mouth looked photorealistic for a second and then the background soldier just had a smudge for a face. It’s jarring but also kind of fits the corrupted, broken-down setting. I spent twenty minutes trying to romance a blacksmith who clearly hates me, ignoring the main plot about destroying the regime, because her dialogue about forging a new sword was weirdly poetic. Then the game crashed when I tried to give her a rare ore. No save. The whole thing is a beautiful, horny mess about power and it made me feel like I have absolutely none, in the game or otherwise.