Rob and Suzanne are back, and this time they’re not just fucking their way through a swingers club, they’re doing it for queen and country apparently. MI5 sends them to infiltrate some arms dealer’s operation through a place called The Velvet Hand up north. Sounds like the plot of a bad porno from 2003. I mean that as a compliment.
The whole thing is a visual novel with choices, and the game really hammers home that this is about swinging and sharing. No cheating paths. I clicked around trying to find one anyway, because I’m a degenerate, but nope. The couple is solid. Which is fine, I guess, if you’re into that wholesome depravity. The sex scenes are where it’s at though. Lots of interracial stuff, big tits everywhere, groping in dark corners. The investigation part feels like window dressing. You pick dialogue options that supposedly matter for the spy plot but really you’re just trying to angle for a specific hole. Anal is on the table early if you push the right buttons. I got a scene with Suzanne and another woman that was all teasing and oral before the husband even got involved. The 3DCG models are stiff in that familiar way, like dolls with one facial expression, but somehow it works when things get messy.
Top 3 Moments You’ll Want to Screenshot. One, the first time you walk into the club’s main room and it’s just a buffet of bodies. Two, a scene in a private room where Suzanne takes two guys at once and the camera angle is doing the most. Three, any closeup during vaginal sex where the textures actually look decent. The male protagonist is a bit of a blank slate, but that’s standard. I wish the secret agent stuff had more bite, like actual consequences for picking the wrong partner, but it won’t change. The whole thing is a delivery system for lewd mechanics and it delivers. Just don’t expect the writing to win awards. My cat jumped on my keyboard during a groping scene and I accidentally selected a dialogue option that made Rob talk about his feelings. Ruined the mood for a solid minute. Anyway, the game’s on some adult site, runs in browser, no install nonsense. It’s like a choose your own adventure where every path leads to getting laid, just with different combinations of people. The Velvet Hand is a silly name for a club but whatever, I’ve seen worse. The lesbian content is actually pretty hot, there’s a scene with two women that goes on for a while and the sound design, basic as it is, does the job. I’m rambling. The point is, if you want a spy thriller, play something else. If you want a swinging simulator with big asses and no guilt, here you go.