Pool felt is green. Like, a deep verdant green that makes no fucking sense in a strip club context but here we are. Three girls, pixelated in that specific "we licensed real model photos and then ran them through a blender" way, waiting at their tables. The blonde with the impossible rack does this little hip sway animation that loops every seven seconds. I counted. Sixteen times before my first shot.

The aiming line is wrong. Not broken, just... optimistic. Like it forgot about geometry as a concept. The redhead in lingerie (Cherry? Sherry? The menu called her something with a fruit theme) watches you miss a corner pocket by two inches and the game lags right as the balls clack together. Strip billiards. You sink a ball, she removes a piece. You miss, and it's suddenly a very different kind of arcade game where you're getting increasingly frustrated with hitbox detection while a woman in the corner performs an animation set that has nothing to do with what's actually happening in the match. She took off her left stocking before the right shoe. The chaos of it all.

Weird thing about the "real model" tag, they look like those CD-ROM photo collections from the 90s but upscaled and smoothed into this uncanny territory where you can't tell if their eyes are following the cue ball or staring directly into your sins. One of the opponents, a brunette in black lace (table three, the one near the digital jukebox that doesn't play anything), has this victory dance that cuts off mid frame and resets. The striptease aspect is functional. Mechanical. You clear the table, the clothing layer count goes down, and somewhere an art director said "yeah, four tables is enough content." They were wrong but also right. I don't know what that means.